A Question of Respect

I was looking through some old documents of mine and I came across an answer I had written to a question that had been sent to me. As I have been asked this question more than once, I’m making it today’s entry.

Question:

"You speak a lot about the importance of respecting street youth, but I have a problem with that. I don’t respect what they’re doing and they don’t show respect for me - so how am I supposed to respect them?"

Answer:

It’s a valid question. Much of the activity that street-dependent youth engage in on the streets is not activity that most of us would respect. They can be violent; they steal; they prostitute themselves; and they deal and use drugs. These are all activities that we want them to stop, not things that most of us feel are deserving of respect.

But there’s a difference between showing respect for activities and showing respect for the person. How they survive on the streets may not be worthy of respect, but the fact that they somehow find the strength and courage to keep surviving is. Remember, the person you are seeing is very young and, in most cases, has been dealt a pretty crappy hand in life. They may not be playing that hand well in our opinion, but the fact that they keep playing at all is not only worthy of respect, it can be awe-inspiring. I would never recommend that you falsely respect actions that you disagree with, but I do recommend that you respect the fact that, at this point in their lives, they’re doing the best they can. They need your support, not your condemnation.

As for the issue of them not respecting you, frankly, that’s not their job. They have a big enough challenge learning to respect themselves. If respect from others is important to you, look to your family, or your co-workers, or your friends. If you’re looking to get your need for respect met from homeless, abused, drug-affected youth, you will be disappointed and ineffective. But I also don’t want to leave you with the impression that disrespect has to characterize your interactions with street youth, it’s just that respect comes as trust is established. The more you develop a trusting and supportive relationship, the more you will earn, and receive, respect.