Choose to Act

I came across something I wrote for a monthly tip column back in 1999. It still seemed like pretty good advice, so I've reprinted it below:

So, I’m standing in line at a Starbuck’s one morning. I’m not saying that the guy behind the counter was a natural born jerk - maybe he was just having a bad day. In any case, he was flipping such a negative attitude that people in line began to bond with each other, sharing incredulous looks and rolling their eyes. All except the guy in front of me. He just waited patiently in line, smiling at people and seeming to enjoy himself. He gets up to the counter and promptly begins to receive his personal ration of the dude’s attitude, and yet he just keeps smiling, seems to enjoy talking with the guy - and drops a quarter in the tip jar!

A few minutes later we end up at the creamer counter together, and I feel compelled to comment.

"I don’t know how you did that." I said.

"Did what?"

"Remained so pleasant as you dealt with that guy!"

"Well," he smiled, "why should I let other people’s bad moods dictate how I’m going to act?"

I have to admit, that made sense to me. Maybe one of the reasons that there’s so much negativity in the world is that we all go around reacting to each other. In a world like that, the negative is bound to rule. It also got me thinking about how we tend to work with young people.

Let’s be honest. Young people aren’t exactly at a high point in their lives when they come into our programs. As much as we may care about them, and even be able to see beyond their behaviors to the good qualities that they have, the fact is that they can often be obnoxious and offensive. Our work with them is filled with frustration, pain - and sometimes fear. What do you think their experience of us is going to be if we are reacting to them? And, what is our experience going to be? Bottom line, if we react we won’t be very helpful, and we won’t enjoy our work very much.

The key to effective youth work, and the ability to enjoy it, is to train yourself to respond instead of reacting. Just as the guy at Starbuck’s did; he chose to act independent of the stimulus he was getting. And he enjoyed his visit, whereas nobody else in line did.

So here’s this month’s tip. Make up your mind - before you even go into work - how you’re going to experience the day, and how you’re going to act. Then, no matter how you may be tempted to react, choose to act instead. I guarantee that you’ll have a much better day, and you’ll be far more helpful to the young people that you work with.