Humiliation as Discipline

Yesterday I talked about an abusive phone call made by Alec Baldwin to his 11-year-old daughter, and I mentioned how it had become a media feeding frenzy. In all the debates by media personalities, a focus was on the humiliation suffered by the daughter due to this call being released to the media. I give no credit for their failure to mention that they were contributing to the humiliation, but I do give some credit for the media realizing that public humiliation of a child is a bad thing.

Yet, at the same time, a local talk-show host was discussing an incident here in Oregon. Apparently a 10-year-old boy in Grants Pass was lying about whether or not he was doing his homework. When caught in the lie, the boy was punished by being forced to stand in front of a Wal-Mart with a sign around his neck that read “I’m a triple-L -- Lazy Liar Loser”. Said one of the adults who came up with this punishment: “I call it humiliation. Little kids, sometimes you have to humiliate them to get them in line.”

Two different cases, two different reactions. In the Baldwin case, people seem to agree that humiliation is a bad thing. In the second case, the consensus on the talk show was that this was creative punishment and public humiliation would help the young man. The jury is still out at DHS (Oregon’s State services for children), they have not leveled charges but have stated they consider the punishment emotional abuse.

Whether or not hanging a sign around a child’s neck and making him stand in public with a self-deprecating message is abusive, most experts agree that criticism, sarcasm, and humiliation are the least effective forms of discipline. While they sometimes result in immediate compliance, they rarely produce long-term cooperation and behavioral change -- at least, not positive change. Oppositional, abusive, defiant, and anti-social behaviors are the more likely outcome, and those of us who work with street-youth have seen more than our fair share of young people who have experience with criticism, sarcasm, and humiliation as discipline in their backgrounds.

So, for my two cents, I don’t care whether it’s Alec Baldwin losing control and berating his daughter, or a Grants Pass couple attempting to get their 10-year-old to do his homework, let’s leave the humiliation to Simon Cowell and American Idol and keep it out of our child-rearing practices.