Site Updates

Regular readers of this blog and visitors to the InterNetwork for Youth will notice that July updates have not yet taken place, and the blog is becoming a bit sporadic. My apologies, but it is a temporary situation brought about by a bit of an excessive workload and some approaching deadlines. I will pick up regular blog entries starting again in about a week, but, at this point it makes more sense to simply delay site updates until August.

Thank you for your patience.

Supporting Romeo & Juliet

Hey all you crazy 14 year olds in Indiana, go out and start having wild and reckless sex! It’s legal now – even with adults. And you grown ups, find yourself a hot little teen and go nuts. No holds barred, its party time!

At least, that’s what you’d think from listening to some media reports of a new law that took effect on July 1st. As with many media reports, what is true may not be entirely accurate.

Public Law 216 is an attempt to modify some of the unintended consequences of increasing legal reactions to sex with minors, such as those that imprisoned Genarlow Wilson who has been discussed previously in this blog. It is one variation of a type of law enacted in many states, known collectively as “Romeo and Juliet” laws; the intention being to stop treating consensual sex between members of roughly the same age group as a criminal and sexual offense. These laws usually have a lower age for peer sex consent, and an age range that is covered. The specific ages vary from state to state, with Indiana’s stipulations being no younger than 14, and no greater than a 4 year age difference. Thus, a 14 year old could have consensual sex with an 18 year old (or 15 with 19, or 16 with 20, or 17 with 21). That is what has lead to the media’s interpretation that adult sex with minors has been legalized.

Look, all of us can quibble with some of the specifics of some of the laws, but on balance the InterNetwork for Youth supports the Romeo and Juliet concept. There is nothing in these laws that excuse non-consensual sex, nor is there anything in them that promotes sexual activity. They simply are an attempt to stop criminalizing the normal, healthy sex drives of adolescents. Turning an entire generation into potential sex offenders with criminal records that will follow them the rest of their lives seems to me to be a far greater harm than any potential downsides of the Romeo and Juliet laws.

Choose to Act

I came across something I wrote for a monthly tip column back in 1999. It still seemed like pretty good advice, so I've reprinted it below:

So, I’m standing in line at a Starbuck’s one morning. I’m not saying that the guy behind the counter was a natural born jerk - maybe he was just having a bad day. In any case, he was flipping such a negative attitude that people in line began to bond with each other, sharing incredulous looks and rolling their eyes. All except the guy in front of me. He just waited patiently in line, smiling at people and seeming to enjoy himself. He gets up to the counter and promptly begins to receive his personal ration of the dude’s attitude, and yet he just keeps smiling, seems to enjoy talking with the guy - and drops a quarter in the tip jar!

A few minutes later we end up at the creamer counter together, and I feel compelled to comment.

"I don’t know how you did that." I said.

"Did what?"

"Remained so pleasant as you dealt with that guy!"

"Well," he smiled, "why should I let other people’s bad moods dictate how I’m going to act?"

I have to admit, that made sense to me. Maybe one of the reasons that there’s so much negativity in the world is that we all go around reacting to each other. In a world like that, the negative is bound to rule. It also got me thinking about how we tend to work with young people.

Let’s be honest. Young people aren’t exactly at a high point in their lives when they come into our programs. As much as we may care about them, and even be able to see beyond their behaviors to the good qualities that they have, the fact is that they can often be obnoxious and offensive. Our work with them is filled with frustration, pain - and sometimes fear. What do you think their experience of us is going to be if we are reacting to them? And, what is our experience going to be? Bottom line, if we react we won’t be very helpful, and we won’t enjoy our work very much.

The key to effective youth work, and the ability to enjoy it, is to train yourself to respond instead of reacting. Just as the guy at Starbuck’s did; he chose to act independent of the stimulus he was getting. And he enjoyed his visit, whereas nobody else in line did.

So here’s this month’s tip. Make up your mind - before you even go into work - how you’re going to experience the day, and how you’re going to act. Then, no matter how you may be tempted to react, choose to act instead. I guarantee that you’ll have a much better day, and you’ll be far more helpful to the young people that you work with.

Hidden Exploitation

Apologies for the lack of a blog entry yesterday. Everyone has a sick day, and yesterday was mine. I will also be off line on Monday, as it is my partner's birthday and we’ll be spending the day at the beach.

So, with all my travels and sick days I’ve gotten a bit behind in my emails. As I’m catching up, I start reading a thread on one of the lists I’m subscribed to. It caught my interest because the original message was asking for information about hiring peer leaders. As people responded with their experiences, one response caught my attention:

“Teenagers have been some of my best workers...they don't cost as much and they know the community.”

Here we have an example of one of my biggest pet peeves; a well-intentioned advocate for young people who, without even realizing it, is exploiting young people. If you think I’m being too harsh, let’s change the population and read this again:

“Illegal immigrants have been some of my best workers...they don't cost as much and they know the community.”

Or …

“African-Americans have been some of my best workers...they don't cost as much and they know the community.”

Does that make the exploitation a bit more obvious? Basically we’re saying; I want to hire ‘these people’ because they bring something of value to me that I can’t get anywhere else (they know the population). And, while I benefit from this special skill, I get to pay them less than I would pay somebody else doing the same job!’

That’s why things like this are a pet peeve of mine. I’m sure whoever wrote this is an advocate for young people, and is creating opportunities for young people to be involved. Yet, at the same time and without even realizing it, they are part of the exploitation and discounting of young people that they are seeking to change.

The Good Part of the Bad Trip

First, a bit of housekeeping. You may have noticed that there haven’t been any July updates to the website yet. Finishing the library article and updating the site was the plan for last Sunday. If you read yesterday’s blog, you know that I was traveling on Sunday instead. I will be getting to the updates as I grab time here and there over the next few days. Those next few days, however, do not include tomorrow. As it is Independence Day -- a day I traditionally sleep in to be rested enough for some serious grilling in the evening -- there will be no blog entry. I’ll be back on Thursday.

Now, for the good part of my trip.

As revealed in earlier entries, I had traveled to Raleigh, North Carolina to present Youth Development: A Winning Hand at Haven House Services (you’ll find their web link on the North Carolina page of the Youth Program Directory). What I haven’t revealed -- at least, not as much as it deserves -- is how impressed I am with both the program and the people who work there. Of course, that may seem like a bit of a redundancy, as programs generally are the people. But, redundancy or not, this is one good combination of people and programs.

I don’t usually highlight programs in my blog, mostly because I don’t want to create some sort of de facto ‘rating system’ where not mentioning a program I visit means that I disapprove. However, I’m mentioning Haven House Services -- specifically the Runaway and Homeless Youth services offered by Haven House -- because they are doing some very unique things in the area of Youth Development that may be worth your time to look into.

For example, Program Director Matt Schnars has developed an innovative supervision tool to keep Youth Development in the forefront of his staff’s interactions with young people. Along with focusing on standard supervision concerns, staff is asked to speak to their efforts toward integrating protective factors into their interactions with young people. There is also a very creative boxing program that is focused less on sparring, and more on the physical and mental discipline required by boxers. Called Second Round, the program is a co-ed example of Youth Development in action. I was honored to have the opportunity to witness the program in operation, and can only say that this is a model program that deserves to be better known.

My point in sharing all of this is to let you know that there is a great resource out there for you to contact. If you are looking to share ideas and information with a RHY program that is on the cutting edge of Youth Development creativity, contact Matt Schnars at mschnars@havenhousenc.org . Tell him Jerry sent you ;-)

Lessons from a Bad Trip

Please indulge my tale of woe, because I really do have a point.

I just got back from a bad trip. I traveled to Raleigh, North Carolina to present Youth Development for Haven House Services. Don’t get me wrong -- that’s not the bad part. In fact, my trip to Haven House was wonderful, and I’ll be telling you more about that part of the trip tomorrow. The bad part was the return odyssey home.

It began with a delayed flight out of Raleigh that got me to Charlotte, North Carolina at about 6:30 in the evening. I had a really tight connection to catch a direct flight back to Portland that would get me in at about 10:00 PM on Saturday, so I was listening very closely when the flight attendant was making gate announcements. My first clue should have been when she announced my flight number, paused, and then went on to the next flight without saying anything. My second clue should have been when I asked the flight attendant for gate information; she said she’d get back to me and then never returned or talked to me again.

It was the third clue that finally got me worried. That was when I got off the plane and looked at the departure board to see no flights to Portland listed. I went up to the nearest gate and asked them to check my flight. Only then was I told that my flight was cancelled and I’d have to go to the ‘Special Services’ desk.

I arrived at the Special Services desk to stand in a long line waiting to see only two Special Services agents. I was in that line for (I’m not kidding, I timed it), 2 hours and 55 minutes before I got to spend the next 25 minutes dealing with the agent and trying to find a way home. When I left the desk I had a $10.00 food voucher (with only a few minutes left before the restaurants started closing; and just try to find food in the Charlotte airport for under 10 bucks!), a flight to Los Angeles leaving at 7:40 AM on Sunday, and another flight out of LA to Portland leaving at 6:45 PM Sunday evening. Not only was it going to be a long trip home, but it looked like I was going to be spending the night at the Charlotte airport.

I went to the gate I’d be using in the morning, found a rack of 4 chairs that didn’t have arms, and bedded myself down for the evening. I was just drifting off to sleep when a security guard wheeled up on a Segway to tell me that the airport concourses close overnight and I’d have to leave. That meant I had to spend the night out past security where there was little more than a hard, cold, and dirty floor to lay down on. I decided to stay up all night.

The story has a little bit of good news. When I got to LA I was able to get on standby for an earlier flight, and I made it back to Portland dirty, tired, and a bit cranky, but only 17 hours later than planned. Of course, there were many irritations in that 17 hours, such as having to repeatedly go through security after I had purchased $3.00 bottles of water, which I would then have to discard (I think I did this about 3 times) -- and, if I wanted to, I could lament the unpleasantness of my journey in far greater detail. But, as I said earlier, this story has a point.

For all the unpleasantness, there were also some good things that happened brought about by something we humans seem to do when we share experiences. We bond, and in bonding we make the hard times a little less hard for each other. I was not the only one whose travel plans were screwed up, and as I interacted with all the other people who were having a hard time I established some really enjoyable -- if temporary -- relationships.

My first acquaintances were the two teachers from Newberg, Oregon, who I later ended up having dinner with as we got to the restaurant just before it closed. We then met a young man trying to get to a party in Detroit. We’d hold his place in line as we sent him out seeking information in other parts of the airport. A woman trying to get to Nashville with her two little children commiserated with us as she struggled to keep her children from going bonkers, and we were later joined by a young woman from Longview whose husband was trying to get help at another service desk. She was in constant phone contact with him and we’d exchange what we were learning about the situation with what he was finding out. She was also dealing with her concerned mother who kept making crazy flight arrangements over the internet to the tune of 13oo bucks and up. We even discussed the possibility of renting a van and doing a road trip back to Portland, as a rumor was circulating that we wouldn't be getting a flight out until Monday or later.

Overnight in the airport I spent some time with the ex-marine who had just been discharged and was trying to get home; the lady from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania who tried to rescue a lost kitten wandering around the airport; and the Hispanic gentleman, also headed to Portland, who apparently had the same bladder as I do, as we kept running into each other on the way to or from the restroom. As it turned out, he and I both made it on the standby flight to Portland out of LA the next morning. We were giving each other high-five’s in two languages as they let us onto the aircraft at the last minute.

My final temporary friend was the women I sat next to on the last leg of my journey. She was scared to fly and clutched her stuffed animal the entire trip. Helping to reassure her that we’d be safe may have been the universe’s reason for delaying me to that flight.

None of us knew each other. It’s likely we’ll never meet again and, if we spent more time together, it’s unclear whether we’d have anything in common or even like each other. But for the short period of time that we were thrown together in a bad situation, we were friends and formed a tight support system -- in some cases without ever even knowing each other’s name.

And here’s the point. Do we not see this exact same behavior with youth on the streets? Do we not see them forming tight bonds with people they’ve only just met and know little about? And do we not tend to pathologize that behavior, treating it as another ‘issue’ that the young person needs to deal with? Yet the fact is that this behavior, the tendency to quickly bond and form relationships with strangers who are in similar circumstances, is just like so many other behaviors that we tend to pathologize in street youth. It is a normal, rational, and predictable human response. Put yourself in their situation and you will do the same thing. The proof can be seen in my trip home.

I’m not saying that youth we meet on the streets don’t have issues to work through. We all do. What I’m saying is that they are probably far healthier than we tend to give them credit for, and that many of the behaviors we see as ‘problems’ are really quite normal human responses. We’d be far more helpful to them if we didn’t pathologize the behaviors we’d exhibit if we were in their shoes.

To Understand, Interact

This will be my last entry this week. Thursday I am winging my way to Raleigh, North Carolina, and Friday I’ll be presenting Youth Development: A Winning Hand to Haven House Services ( http://www.havenhousenc.org ). I’ll be back with a new entry on Monday, July 2nd.

Driving into work today I was listening to a talk show while thinking about the upcoming presentation in Raleigh. I realized that what I teach -- working with young people -- is really somewhat of a rare occurrence. The talk show was focused on some new survey about America’s youth (I didn’t catch the actually survey -- it’s only a 10 minute drive to work), and the adults were lamenting how little they understand about young people and the choices and decisions they make. At one point, one of the adults made the statement: “I don’t really have any opportunity to interact with young people”.

I found this to be a very insightful statement, and probably one of the main reasons for whatever problems exist between young people and adults. We don’t interact. Much of the adult population has little or no real contact with young people. Those that do are generally in a role of authority; teachers, parents, counselors, case workers. Rarely do you see situations where young people and adults are colleagues, equals, peers. It’s no wonder we can relate -- there’s no basis for us to try.

Of course, I still find it strange that adults have difficulty understanding young people -- we all used to be one. Somehow we forget what being young was like when we age, which is a real shame. I might also point out that our lack of interaction is under adult control -- we could be creating opportunities for ourselves to interact with young people, we just don’t seem to do so very often. Maybe if we did, we wouldn’t so often lament the fact that we just don’t understand young people today …